Living into my blessings.
Blessings are a giftOne we may be given One we may earn Do not fear That they may leave you as quickly as they found you
Instead, Live into them Allow them to own you Heart and soul. Fear has no hold in the face of that And you are doubly blessed.
Over the last couple of years, the tone of my life has shifted. It no longer flows in the old ruts and channels. There is a sparkling vibrancy that is uplifting and delightful. Falling in love with the man of my heart is a big part of this shift. Being loved for who I am, adored and appreciated for my crazy ways – it fills up all the lonely places in my being, sews up the old wounds and hurts and heals them with the balm of kisses and good loving. It has shown me I CAN live with love at the center of my life.
I feel immensely blessed. And that, right there, is the problem.
You see, I’ve been struggling with coming to terms with feeling blessed and lucky. Feeling blessed brings up all the reasons why I don't deserve the blessings. Feeling of not being worthy or good enough. Part of me has been afraid to voice my blessings, to believe they were going to last, to trust in them. Part of me was worried my special someone was going to realize I just wasn't good enough for him. Or, that something would happen to just blow it all up. Then I got worried that this worry and resistance was going to result in me sabotaging my relationship and my life and my health.
This kind of worry and fear arises from the stories that run my life. We all have them and we feed them and give them energy when we listen to them and allow them to impact us – which is why I love Intentional Creativity so much. It has taught me how to re-write, re-imagine, and re-create my stories into ones that truly support me.
So I’ve been musing about this struggle to believe in the blessings in my life. The IG treatment healing my immune system. The reality that my job is to go on a hike and pull out my sketchbook and create art that heals our connection to the earth. The wonderful relationship I have with my daughter. Because I also know that when my thinking starts spiraling down into a big black hole it is time to…
STOP. Dig in. Sit on the earth. ASK. What is this pattern really about? What will shift it?
Yesterday was my birthday and I headed to Grandmother Ocean. I left an offering for Grandmother when I got there. I put my hands in her salty water and walked through the waves getting all sandy as I chased seaweed at low tide. It felt so wonderfully perfect.
I brought a new sketchbook with me and decided to begin it then and there. I sat on the sand and got my pen out. Mused for a moment and then wrote my intention on the first page and itwas NOT what I expected:
To live into my blessings.
I read that and got chills. AH! Suddenly everything clicked into place. Blessings are meant to be leaned into. To be acknowledged. To be appreciated. Not hovered over like they are fragile and about to burst and disappear. The blessings are the NEW story I am living. The fear is the fear of change and new things and the best way to chase it out is to live my life fully, to live into my blessings. To allow the blessings to replace the old stories and become my new story.
Because you see, blessings are not just gifts you open and enjoy once. Blessings are a gift that can radically change your life and you have a choice of whether you accept the blessing into your life and live it, or continue to walk down the same old path with the same old story. I know what I choose to do – blessings here I come!
Wow. This is one huge birthday present. Wow and yowza and holy batshit all rolled into one. Thank you universe! And Grandmother Ocean…I would not have gotten this message without sitting on your sand.
May your day be full of blessings,