Yearly Intention or Yearly Whack on the Side of the Head?
It always amuses me when I think I am wandering along this path of life I am on and all is “in ard” and then the universe decides to go off in a new direction and I am towed off into a new branch of the path without any forewarning at all. I mean there I was - immune system calmed down, hiking up sides of mountains, painting watercolor sumi-es, watching the most amazing sunsets, spending fun time with my lover, hanging with my daughter, and suddenly I wake up one morning and, zap, everything goes whacko.
Now it could have something to do with the fact that I do very clearly set my intention for the coming year which has a way of opening up the doorway wide for transformation to walk on in and say,
Ok you asked for change and HERE I AM.
I think I need a disclaimer on my intention:
Be careful of what you ask for. Or, look twice before leaping.
I set my intention for this year in early January. The words and sense of my intention slowly emerged and became present between Solstice and the new year. I allowed it space and time to gestate and form and come into being. And then, one night under the full moon in January, the words were there.
This year I am traveling the roads of good luck. I welcome and receive the blessings of love.
(Amusingly, I heard “roads” simultaneously as “rose” – that lovely symbol of love.)
The morning after I heard those words, I woke up in pain with swelling and tingling nerves and edema all across my lower abdomen. I have old scar tissue in my abdomen and it became apparent over the next few days that something had torn apart and /or shifted radically. I am in great shape between yoga, stretches, and hiking so this came as a shock. And yet, not. My body wants to move and flex and continue to open up and to do that, the scar tissue did what was needed and let go.
Did I ask for this to happen? Hmmm. Maybe. I want to live life fully, passionately, engaging with my whole being. However, the universe was not done with me yet.
More medical news came in. A small bump on my nose ended up being a basel cell cancer and surgery was required. My daughter’s sinuses went into overload due to exposure to a dusty lab at school and spiraled out of balance. She ended up with a sinus infection and headaches that are slow to clear up. My mom ended up in the hospital and then moved to a nursing home because she is slowly fading and can’t be taken care of at home anymore. And many other things.
I did pretty well at first taking care of all the phone calls, the siblings telling me what to do but not wanting to do it themselves, the rapidly swinging balance of demands, emotions, health issues.
And then I didn’t.
I went into overwhelm – totally emotional which is not like me. Feeling like I've been asked to take care of everyone else and no one is taking care of me. All the negative voices came in, the old fears, the old patterns of behaving.
Then I woke up in the middle of the night with a full blown sinus infection. Most likely a complication from the nose surgery on Monday. And I went, oh, all this emotional overload, there is a reason for this. My body is trying to tell me it needs help. Suddenly the patterns clicked into place.
So what does one do when this shit hits you like a ton of bricks? Threatening to derail the life I have been so consciously working on and living?
The message I got is my body is making space for the new life I am living. Thats why the scar tissue has to be dealt with, why the nose/bump had to be dealt with.
What I find ironic is my intention for this year is to "welcome and receive the blessings of love into all aspects of my life, heart, body, mind and spirit." So of course my brain says, "I guess that means we have to take out garbage and clear the clutter, right?"
Does the universe have a sense of humor? YES!