Vision Quest: Solstice, Resonance, & Partnerships
Today, on Winter Solstice, my 3 month vision quest comes to an end and the question of the moment is: What am I claiming?
When I set my intention for Bold Adventure at the beginning of this year, I really had no clue the adventure was going to be such an in-depth recalibration of my inner patterns. I had this grand plan of sailing out into the world blazing my light, teaching workshops, and “doing” my work. That I was going to make my own Bold Adventures.
Instead of sailing out into the world, everything I was doing steadily came to a screeching halt. And, it became obvious the way I engaged with doing wasn’t working. No surprise there as my driver self was a relic of the days I worked in hitech.
So, with a deep breath of courage and audacity, I allowed the processes of business, marketing, making money, workshop scheduling, and such come to a deadening halt around me. At the same time, I followed messages to allow myself to flow with the change happening in my life.
It is a very odd to feel everything stopping, while at the same time allowing oneself to flow. Imagine the sound of brakes on one side and the gently swooshing sound of bird wings taking off on the other side. Nerve wracking on one side and yet there was this clear, determined, movement taking me into new directions.
The end of May a host of creatures visited me and the next thing I knew I was going to Paris to paint. I was switching gears, if you will, between push and flow, between making things happen and allowing things to fill me up and take me away.
Every time I began to drop into my old “what do I do next” pattern, I gave myself permission to stop more. I worked on releasing my addiction to worry about money and stopped some more. A comment would trigger an old pattern and I’d begin to schedule workshops in my head and I’d stop and put the pencil down or close the computer. I’d stop some more.
I began to only carry a sketch book everywhere; I drew in it every day, most days several things, to the point I’d feel lost without my sketchbook in my purse next to my lipstick. I wrote and let words flow out of my heart and into articles and posts. When I couldn’t figure out what container to hold all these changes in, I began a vision quest and painted Freedom of Being to guide me.
Something was manifesting and if I could just stay out of the way I knew all would be well. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and yet, it’s also been incredibly rewarding. It kept coming back to the relationship between the dancing, swirling, passionate artist woman in my heart and what I used to call my “driver self” and the patterns of connection between them. I had been at battle inside myself for too long without recognizing it.
Then, one day not too long ago, my mentor, Shiloh Sophia, whispered the words “Beautiful Structure” into my ear and it was like a huge stone suddenly shifted and became a doorway. My heart unlocked the door and a gift named Harmony stepped through and into my life.
What am I claiming? A new way of relating to myself.
What it feels like to flow with change. What it feels like to be filled up and taken away. What it feels like to live my artist self out loud and freely. What it feels like to be supported by Harmony.
And most of all, a supportive, loving partnership between my wildly creative artist self and Harmony, my gift of Beautiful Structure. Methinks, this is a great place to be in as the new year begins.