Vision Quest: Invitation and the Coquette

Painting in Chavenay, France In a conversation recently with one of those rare men who get the Divine Feminine and the relationship issues in our culture between women and men, he suggested I try something I refused to consider for years. That something triggered years of social conditioning to rear her ugly head, shake her finger at me, shout dire consequences, and generally try to repress all consideration of his suggestion.

Clearly this was something BIG.

He suggested I invite the response I want to see in a man by first engaging with my Divine Feminine, opening my heart, and then inviting from my vulnerable, sexy, wild self with all the nuances that implies.

Now you may not have any trouble with this, however, I was raised in a repressive, male-dominated environment, and then, spent many years of engaging with the corporate world via my very male driver side. So the response evoked in me, despite the last several years of working hard at transformation was pretty visceral.

Oh no. I can’t do that said the Nasty Queen. That would be manipulative. I’d be acting like a slut. It would be demeaning. It would leave me open to the man thinking I was a tease or a coquette. Good girls do NOT do that. Oh no. I am a BAD girl for even thinking this.

Thank goodness, my perceptions have shifted. As I listened to this old tinny recording - I recognized all of the things the voice was telling me as beliefs from my childhood of how I’d be perceived if I drew upon my power as a woman to engage with the world.

swirling backgroundThere are nuances upon nuances here.

What my friend was suggesting seemed straightforward. To evoke the response I wanted from a man, whether I was asking him to get me a glass of water or present me with a bouquet of flowers, I first open my heart, move into my feminine power, and invite the man to do what I request from there.

When I tried what he suggested, I felt very powerful and incredibly vulnerable - and all the warning bells went off screaming like a dozen cats who just had their tail stepped on.

Why all the fuss? I was unprotected.

To access my power as a woman, I move into vulnerability and trust while believing - knowing - I am standing in my power. To do this, I must open my heart, and to open my heart, I have to drop all the walls and protections. Scary shit - no two ways about it.

Once I am in my open heart, I ask from that place of power and love - in all its forms of wildness, sexiness, beauty, and gentleness. Inviting a man from that place in my open heart is a request almost impossible to refuse. Why?

It opens his heart.

It is an irresistible call to surrender to love even if you only asking your neighbor to help carry a box to the car for you. You are giving him a gift of love for fulfilling your request. I know few people who will turn away from love when it is offered freely.

What we as women have to work our way through is the message that freely given love is bad and will get us into trouble. Mind you, it’s no wonder we get that message. Violence against women is the major issue facing us out in the world. Most of the time, we lock our doors and look over our shoulders without even wondering what the world would be like if there was no longer a reason to do that.

ReciprocitySo why would I even consider lowering all my protections and engaging a man from this deeply vulnerable place inside of me?

Love is at the center of all the choices we make - a statement made by my teacher Shiloh Sophia McCloud. And if love is truly at the center of all the choices we make, then love is indeed a powerful force. As we women learn to take back our power as women, assume our mantle of culture creators, and work to heal our world, what better way to do that then through a force so powerful it permeates every choice we make?

My commitment to me is to practice this new behavior. I know it empowers me and I strongly suspect it will empower the men I interact with. I accept the pitfalls and mistakes I will make as necessary and enlightening. And I plan to employ liberal doses of laughter as I go along!

I will leave you with a question to ponder: How will you use the power of love to change your world today?

Yours in love, Annette

ArticlesAnnette Wagner