Vision Quest: Part One
When I left the hi-tech world behind five years ago, my plan was to spend a year living and working as an artist. Instead, I went off and got a masters degree, started painting, and followed my heart along several other paths. A divorce, moves, and a thesis intervened. Life changed radically. Somehow, I never actually spent that year living and working as an artist. This year, all the little wheels I’ve set spinning have come to a flying halt. Screeching even. Instead of doing what I expected to do this year, I ended up going on all these adventures over the summer including Paris and Chavenay and Giverny and Grandmother Ocean.
I came home and I’ve felt at a loss about what is going on with me, my business, my life. It is not that I am unhappy or even in a bad place. It is more like a niggling feeling of something not quite in resonance that just wont leave me alone.
What came up was the memory of what I had planned five years ago. I realize now I didn’t know how to live and work as an artist. Why? Because I needed to find the key and unlock the dancing swirling passionate artist self in my heart and release her from the cave in which she has been hiding for all my life.
Doing that required learning how to be an artist. I’m not talking technique here. I’m talking about learning to allow my heart to lead and my mind to follow. About learning to let go and surrender. Learning how wake up every single day and create without letting the fears or the voices stop me.
Five years of hard work and now my darling dancing artist self is most definitely OUT.
Just for the record, she is NOT going back in. Ever.
Part of the niggling feeling I’ve been feeling is about taking the time to go deeper. Taking the time to revel in living and working as an artist. Taking the time to fall in love with my dancing swirling passionate artist self. Taking the time to follow her down the path and into new work and new dreams.
Taking the time also means stepping away from the old patterns, worries, and fears. Stepping away from marketing and business concerns. Stepping away from how I engaged with these things.
I needed a to hold what I am doing and fortunately I have wise women in my life who help with me this sort of thing! I’ve chosen to live my life as a Vision Quest for the next three months. I have set intention, made a list of questions to ask myself, and will be living each day in love with my dancing swirling passionate artist self.
I invite you along for the ride - I will be posting as I create my way through this quest.