Now What? Reclaiming DO

Sumi-e Waves at Stinson BeachI’ve had this tendency in past years to work on something to a point of completion or pack up and go someplace and then voice the words: Now What do I do?

Having spent so many years living within the shell of what I call my driver self, the word ‘do’ took on extra connotations. It got wrapped up tight with making money which is wrapped up tight around success. I’ve been unwrapping the driver self all year. Since I would not have survived without her help, I’ve been thanking her for her support for all those years - while sending her off to rest and take a long vacation.

The question “Now What?” assumes a very different model of living - one I no longer subscribe to. Which means the word “do” needs to be reclaimed. The first step in reclamation is to take apart all the threads - the weave must be undone and an examining of the mysteries it hold undertaken.

Undoing something is like a woman undoing her hair at the end of the day - letting her hair down. Like pulling out the nails from the wood to take apart something that needs to be remade. Like ripping seams out of a dress in preparation for alterations. You release the old tensions, understand how the thing was made, and make ready for new work.

Mussel Shell Stinson BeachComing apart at the seams is an apt metaphor for the first step in the process of reclamation. If we do not pull something apart, then we do not give ourselves the opportunity to understand what brought the patterns together that particular way in the first place. And, unless we figure out why we ended up with a pattern, we cannot transform the pattern.

So, I’ve been pulling apart this What Now pattern of Doing. I understand how I ended up with my driver self dominating. Now I am taking the next step which is figuring what replaces this What Now pattern. Whenever I banish or release an old pattern, my practice is to consciously choose what to bring in to replace it. This brings a balance to process. Out with the old, in with the new.

And so I am consciously sifting through the threads in my life to find the softly resonating ones - the ones I am weaving into the patterns of my life to reclaim DO. I am asking:

How will I DO now? What does it feel like to DO without the driver self? What resonates? What does resonating sound like? feel like? smell like?

All of us DO  - we would not get through our day without DOing. So what I am attempting to change is how I engage my doing energy. There is one more ingredient to the mix and that is to engage through my heart, not my mind. And, oh yes, that does make it more tricky.

Heart is about engaging through the creative, intuitive side of our brain. Our feeling side - the side through which we connect to source and creativity. It works organically and does not employ the logical time flow one gets when engaging with the cognitive side of our brain. The intuitive side of our brain empowers us through insights, inventions, and inspiration - which feel like they arise from the murky depths.

Now I must excavate how the other half of my brain works. I know things gets decided, invented, created, and done with this side of my brain. The work is to consciously pay attention so I can recognize the patterns of how this happens. Once awareness is present, then the relationship I have with my intuitive self can move even more into the forefront of how I live my life.

What does DO mean to you? What energy do you engage with when you DO things?

ArticlesAnnette Wagner