Voyage des Revés: The Authentic Artist Heart
Well, I stepped off the cliff and I’m not entirely sure I’ve landed - or that landing is what it’s about! This is probably the first of several blog posts on my trip. It was truly life-changing. In the days before my trip, as I prepared, I made a conscious choice to not allow my practical driver side to engage other than at a very low level. This trip was about “living in the arms of my Muse” and so I took my time to listen to what she wanted to wear, to bring, and how she wanted handle all the details. I unpacked the practical clothes and put in more daring and fun clothes along with my newly bejeweled and decorated tennis shoes. I bought a new journal and created a collage on the front to carry my intention.
Not engaging in the usual frenetic driver energy, aka organizing like a mad woman, allowed everything to slow down and proceed at its own pace. I was concerned I’d have to turn the driver loose at the last minute, but when the day came to leave I was ready and barely stressed.
Looking back, my heart was a-head of my mind and already moving into surrendering to the call of the universe and trusting all was taken care of. This is a good thing as my trip to Paris and Chavenay began with the airlines discovering they had entered my name in their system backwards from my passport. Given I was embarking on a journey of dreams, this matter of finding myself named ‘wrong ways about’ was fitting and hilarious!
In one of our first circles, the patterns around why I no longer needed the driver came into focus. As a child, I gave myself the directive to take care of myself because no one else was going to do it. There were very good reasons back then for why I did this - ones that no longer have a exist in my world. Following this directive is what created the opportunity for the driver energy to take such a large role in my life. The driver self protected and enabled me to survive in the environments I was in.
My quest for this trip was to live in my passionate, dancing, swirling heart - my authentic artist self. To live from my heart and even more, from the still point in my heart. The heart is truly a doorway, a portal we can step through and connect to source. The still point is the center of the connection to source.
Having recognized the need to shed my childhood directive, I used the questions Shiloh gave us each day to allow Spirit and others take care of me. What did this feel like? Was it really ok to do? In asking these questions, I suddenly realized I’ve been feeling taken care of for a while. Spirit walks with me and despite the amusement value of how messages are delivered to me, I am taken care of. It was and is a comforting feeling.
I proceeded through the streets of Paris, the metro, and off on my own confident and sure - at every level knowing I was taken care of. I was still watchful and aware of my surroundings as I always am in a city environment. Yet, I also felt entirely ok pulling out my sketchbook and capturing a flower, building, or scene. Each time one of us thought we were lost in the Metro, someone figured out the next step. It was like a game and I just had to laugh everytime it happened.
This acknowledgement of the old directive, releasing it and bringing in being taken care of, left me feeling very inarticulate the first few days. My cells were busy absorbing the experiences of Paris, our circles, conversations, drawings, smells, dinners, and the resonant feeling of engaging Paris from my authentic artist self.
I took everything in through the eyes of my heart and it entered my body through my senses - holding my pen, smelling dinner cooking, tasting feasts every night, seeing the colors of the city, and hearing the chatter of french - it was better than chocolate. If you know me, that is high praise indeed!
Next: Inarticulate to Stillness