What Really Matters is Coming Across

Emanating, a painting by Annette Wagner.The other day, I received a big insight on a thread that's been tumbling along with me for the last few years as I’ve been transforming my life. It was one of those perfectly stereotypical moments – I was driving to pick up my daughter from a school play and suddenly I get this AHA! when I likely should have been watching the speedometer. I was musing on how I seem to have suddenly acquired this ability to ask, to listen, and to trust myself. How did this happen?

And I GOT it. Big time.

For you to understand, I need to back up a few years and add some context. When I left hi-tech and entered a masters program, I had a serious fit of freak out. I suddenly realized I had no idea how I came across to other people. Did they like me? Did they hate me? Did they understand what I was saying? It scared the daylights out of me.

It mattered, and yet I had lost all connection to this ability. I mean, how was I going to figure out if what I was doing was ok or not? And, there in a nutshell was the whole can of worms. Was I ok or not?

Now, I have a question for you.

If you needed to learn how to trust yourself – to trust your inner wisdom, intuition, and life choices, what is one thing you can do? How about stop worrying about what others think about you?

Looking back, I’ve decided that Spirit made one of those executive decisions about my dependency on what others think and simply cut that particular thread. Without telling me, mind you. Because it literally felt like it was there one day and gone the next. And I was flailing.

Well, flailing about is a necessary exercise on occasion. Without realizing it I began to take small steps in trusting myself. In speaking my voice. In asking for what I needed out loud. In choosing where I spent my valuable time. In dressing myself for my own enjoyment. The list of steps grew into the way I live my life. And, brought me to a place where I have learned to quiet those voices and ask, listen, and trust the answers I get back

What I love about this set of patterns is how one disturbing and scary thread was able to teach me SO much about how to live my life – without me even being conscious of it. I knew I was being asked to learn to trust, to find my still point. But I didn’t connect the threads back to that point in time where I realized I had no clue what others thought of me – until the other night.

Cool.

But now I have to ask, what scary thread is working it's way through your life right now?