black clouds and dancing

I have been feeling like I have much to muse upon. Talked a long time to a close friend on Saturday and came home and wrote a poem-like stream of consciousness about the black cloud over my heart. All the anger, frustration, and resentment that piled up over the last few years. It is time to clear out the black cloud.

Then, the universe led me to another conversation with a different friend on Sunday. A conversation about the value of constructive male energy and dancing. A conversation that put a smile on my face. A supportive conversation.

When I was getting ready to leave for work this morning, I picked up a cloth and a bear fetish I had placed in it fell out. It shattered all over the floor. It was a bear fetish my mother had given me but not one that I felt I had a strong connection to. Another thread of energy adjusting.

I went for a walk this afternoon at the Bay Lands to muse upon black clouds, threads of energy, and dancing. The kind of ideas that not lend themselves to thinking, but need to be sat with.

As I walked along, I came across a long brown snake completely stationary in the grass in front of me. While my mind chattered on about will it stay still long enough to take a picture, the rest of me moved down close to it, wanting to touch it and hold it. As I got closer, I realized why the brown snake was so still. Another snake had the brown snake's head in its mouth. The other snake looked like the kind I saw on Thursday, perhaps a gopher snake.

The brown snake felt male and the gopher snake felt female. Suddenly, the gopher snake released the brown snake and they both twisted sideways and away from each other and were gone. It was like a huge amount of energy was being held still, in stasis, and then furiously pulled apart and they were done.

I kept walking, musing as I went. Were the two snakes and what they did a message for me? or a message for someone else? My mind wandered through the paths of connections lightly resting here and there.

As I walked I saw a pair of mated geese fly by me. I let the wind blow though me, feeling it clear away the black cloud like I was a strand of grass dancing with the wind spirits. I walked and walked, periodically stopping and letting the wind blow through me again until I felt peaceful and grounded. I turned back and the mated pair of geese flew by me again.

There is a way in which today feels like I have been walking on shifting threads of energy all day, sort of like walking on glass balls not knowing what is shifting where.