not the good daughter
Been having a hard time writing an entry the last day or so. Yesterday, I had a awful day dealing with my father and his twisted version of reality. I realized part of the issue is me. I have spent most of my life terrified of his anger, of being verbally abused by him, and trying to be the 'good' daughter so he wouldnt get mad at me. So I have a hard time cutting through the crap he speaks and standing up and saying what needs to be said.
I am not the same person anymore and I do not like the person my father is. He is racist, sexist, self-centered and domineering. I do not want any of that energy in my life in any form any longer.
And you know what? Its ok to not like him. Its ok to step away emotionally and cut the connection to him. It ok to simply tell him what is going to happen and move the situation along regardless of his angry abusive reactions. I am not the good daughter; I never was. None of us ever are.