anticipating the wrong things
My stomach went out on me yesterday. First my allergies last week and now this. Why?
That is the question. Had a long conversation with myself about that. I am starting "school" next week. That word "school" brings in many expectations with it. Competition, fear of being accepted, loss of personal time just to name a few. I have been reading the books from the reading list already. I have my binder, pads, pens and other stuff all organized.
How did this happen that I let the expectations of something that is entirely irrelevant take over? It was insidious and subtle. So I remind myself: I am doing this because I WANT to study womens spirituality. I am not required to do this. I am doing this because I want to. I can stop at any time if it doesn't work out.
So I put all the books, pads, and so on away. When next week comes around, then I will be present and think about what needs to do done.
I took all those mind-based thought patterns and set them off to the side. Then I went into my heart to the place of peace where I talk to the goddess. That place is where I live my life from now. If my brain wants to freak out over "school", it will have to do it from the place in my heart. Which means all thinking starts from my heart and not the other way around.