I have reached a point at which all the planning, wishing, and hoping are transmuting into the next steps. As the reality of the big change I am contemplating becomes more certain, different emotions and thoughts emerge.

There are the moments of scared-shitlessness. Hits me late at night or in the middle of the day. If I stand solid and don't let it take hold of me then it passes quickly.

The light at the end of the tunnel joy feeling will sneak up on me. That one is hard to contain so I don't give into it at work. Big huge grins on my face at inappropriate times send the wrong message.

There is also a definite feeling of anticipation. Of wanting to get on with it, keep it moving, get out of where I am at so I can see what is coming next.

And sometimes there is a sense of peace lurking that captures me in quiet moments. And when it does that, I just want to sit there and enjoy and not move so it won't go away. Its a bit odd but I sense that sitting in that peace is one way to recharge my batteries. Odd because its not a feeling that is about energy like one would think of with a real battery.

ArticlesAnnette Wagner